As I sit back on the sofa almost 8 weeks after giving birth its really difficult for me to imagine my life without Halley. Then I look back on my “bump shoot” at week 32 and I’m filled with mixed emotions. Seeing as I haven’t posted a blog in 2 years, I thought whilst the baby naps now might be a good time to restart and in a word “put pen to paper”. In reality it took me 3 weeks to write this post and I’ve had to update the number “8” in reflection each time I click on here to start typing away.
Getting to 32 weeks at the time seemed like a constant uphill battle. Having previously suffered a miscarriage at 16 weeks I found it really difficult to relax during pregnancy and felt like everything was a constant worry. In the back of my mind I think the 16 week mark was a real turning point where the worry changed to belief, but never a sense of excitement and in hind sight I think that really showed in my face. It certainly affected my mental state throughout and I really wish I could have relaxed more and enjoyed the ride.
I didn’t enjoy being pregnant one little bit. I was obviously eternally grateful to be able to carry the little darling but the sleepless nights, constant heartburn and backache were something I was more than happy to wave goodbye to when she finally arrived. I think the most difficult part for me was how different my work life was in reflection of being pregnant. Before I liked to see myself as a pro-active hands on person and I don’t really take well to someone telling me I “shouldn’t” be doing something. However towards the end of my pregnancy working on a boat and trying to balance the extra 3 stone I’d gained on my little legs was not an easy task and I found myself both static and useless for a large part of the day. Obviously safety first as there were instances where I found myself slipping down some steps or almost turning my ankle trying to move at my old pace. Being smack bang in the middle of the Christmas rush and not being much of a help for me was really difficult (I like to think I made up for it in cheering people on and supporting them through the stress of that Christmas customer).
Then came the maternity leave, this was the point where I actually almost lost the plot. The first couple of weeks were great! I could potter around the house tidying up on my way, making sure dinner was cooked for my hardworking (yeah right) husband when he arrived home each evening. however, I very quickly realised that I was going a good 9/10 hours without actually speaking to anyone other than via what’s app or social media, continuously replying back to the “how are you feeling” “any signs off arrival” texts. I mean I was glad people cared but there are only so many ways you can describe how uncomfortable you are.
It was after a few weeks that me and Mr Willetts actually sat down and had a serious conversation about the prospect of him giving up his job so I could go back to work after the baby was born. I couldn’t see myself doing this for another year. If you know us well you’ll know I’m a bit of a social butterfly and Mr Willetts… well he could be in a room crowded with interesting people and still happily stand there and say nothing. I’m happy to report that since having Halley my attitude has completely changed and whilst I’m keen to find the balance of being social I’m sorry Mr Willetts but you gotta work!
I think its really important to note that not everyone enjoys being pregnant and whilst there are women out there on social media who make it look like a breeze we should always be conscious that everyones experience is different and it doesn’t take a lot to support someone through the experience and be mindful that its tough work physically and emotionally to grow a small human.
Now that pregnancy part is over it’s about raising a small human and getting over the trauma of child birth! Stay tuned to find out how we’re getting on!
p.s I’m fully aware that all the lovely pictures that go with this post are pretty much the same pose in different backgrounds and clothes… I’m not keen on how my fat pregnancy face looks when its facing the camera.